Sunday, May 9, 2010

That Defining Moment Of Clarity Examined

A woman was sitting at her son's bedside in the busy ER of a large hospital. Her 5 year old son had been taken to the ER of their local hospital with a broken arm. Because there were no surgical facilities at the small local hospital they were transferred to a bigger regional hospital for surgery. After an aborted attempt to fix the arm there they were then transferred to Canberra Hospital. The child was calmly enduring everything and though he was obviously in a fair amount of pain had not complained the whole time.The child's father had spent the 48 hours since the accident alternating between getting drunk, abusing his partner and her father and driving between hospitals. He still had not arrived in Canberra 2 hours after the rest of the family, but was expected at any time and quite frankly his arrival was being anticipated with trepidation. The woman herself was feeling the strain of  48 hours with no sleep, being the buffer between her partner and the hospital staff (who would not deal with him) and trying to stop him from turning the accident into his own personal drama at every turn. She was also still feeling a fair bit of shame at having swung punches at him in the street outside their business when he refused to let her go to her son.
Yep, that was me 12 months ago. It all seems so surreal now, but my life was falling apart around me while I just sat there and waited for the next blow. So I sat there watching the organized chaos of the ER as my son dozed and a sense of great peace came over me. It was like suddenly being in the eye of a cyclone, and then I had a moment of clarity. This was where I belonged! But I was like the kid peering through the fence at what they perceive to be a better life. I was on the wrong side of the fence! I was living a life I hated and sitting there watching people who were living my dream. In that moment I decided to end my abusive relationship and take back control of my life. At that time the dream of nursing was something I still did not think of as a  possibility, but I was later to get back enough confidence in myself to start dreaming again.
It took me 6 months to fight my way out of that relationship. The more I tried to wrestle control back the worse the abuse got, but in a way I am grateful for that. The way I look at it, I was pushed to breaking point and well past 'the point of no return'. I was left standing there with a pile of rubble at my feet and now brick by brick I am re-building my life with that rubble, but this time I know what I want it to look like and I am following the plan.


  1. You have made the best decision of your life! OMG! You are in my heart... Please reach for the stars, brush that jerk off; off of your shoulders and don't stop until you set your foot on that final goal!!!! So proud of you!

    Pss. thanks for following!!

  2. Thanks for your comments! Couldn't have come at a better time! I really needed a pep talk today but didn't expect it to show up on my blog! LOL. Thankyou!

  3. Wow. I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been for you to get yourself out of that situation. You did it though. You did it and you are going to keep on doing it. Be proud of yourself for what you are accomplishing.

    I look forward to following the rest of your journey and watching you grow!!

  4. You sounds like an amazing person to have fought through a difficult situation for what is best for you and your son.
    Good luck going back to study :)