Walking up the hill to the Uni this morning I felt like I was going to face the firing squad. There is nothing worse than that impending feeling of doom. All the what if's were flying around my brain - What if I have a complete brain explosion? - What if I run out of time? - What if I throw up on the test book? Trust me they got more absurd from then on in! At least I was able to give myself a bit of a chuckle at the door. But then they made us wait for the correct time to enter the exam room and we all sat there looking scared shitless.
So I spent the next two hour swinging wildly between confident and petrified and then back again. Who the hell writes these questions? I spent 10 minutes analysing drawings done by a man on Acid! No kidding! They were sort of cool! But some of the other questions had my head spinning. I managed to finish with 15 mins to spare and had time to recheck a couple of answers I was not confident about then closed the test book and stared out the window resisting the urge to panic for the last 5 mins.
The sense of relief when I walked out of that room was quite intense. I think I have only just calmed down after spending the afternoon completely delirious. Found myself in tears several times for no reason at all, but what keeps going around in my head can be summed up by the following song. Have a listen!
Dar Williams - Farewell to the old me