That Defining Moment Of Clarity Examined

A woman was sitting at her son's bedside in the busy ER of a large hospital. Her 5 year old son had been taken to the ER of their local hospital with a broken arm. Because there were no surgical facilities at the small local hospital they were transferred to a bigger regional hospital for surgery. After an aborted attempt to fix the arm there they were then transferred to Canberra Hospital. The child was calmly enduring everything and though he was obviously in a fair amount of pain had not complained the whole time.The child's father had spent the 48 hours since the accident alternating between getting drunk, abusing his partner and her father and driving between hospitals. He still had not arrived in Canberra 2 hours after the rest of the family, but was expected at any time and quite frankly his arrival was being anticipated with trepidation. The woman herself was feeling the strain of  48 hours with no sleep, being the buffer between her partner and the hospital staff (who would not deal with him) and trying to stop him from turning the accident into his own personal drama at every turn. She was also still feeling a fair bit of shame at having swung punches at him in the street outside their business when he refused to let her go to her son.

Yep, that was me 12 months ago. It all seems so surreal now, but my life was falling apart around me while I just sat there and waited for the next blow. So I sat there watching the organized chaos of the ER as my son dozed and a sense of great peace came over me. It was like suddenly being in the eye of a cyclone, and then I had a moment of clarity. This was where I belonged! But I was like the kid peering through the fence at what they perceive to be a better life. I was on the wrong side of the fence! I was living a life I hated and sitting there watching people who were living my dream. In that moment I decided to end my abusive relationship and take back control of my life. At that time the dream of nursing was something I still did not think of as a  possibility, but I was later to get back enough confidence in myself to start dreaming again.
It took me 6 months to fight my way out of that relationship. The more I tried to wrestle control back the worse the abuse got, but in a way I am grateful for that. The way I look at it, I was pushed to breaking point and well past 'the point of no return'. I was left standing there with a pile of rubble at my feet and now brick by brick I am re-building my life with that rubble, but this time I know what I want it to look like and I am following the plan.

Plan B

I went to see my 'Employment Case Manager' today. Went well, but it still does my head in! Basically in order to keep my pension I am required to actively look for work or be participating in a activity that will enhance my ability to look for work. No probs! That is where my case manager comes in. The strategy is for me to get into full time study next year, but there is a lot of time to fill before then, so what to do? I don't really want to get another job in hospitality and coming into winter in a tourist town there are not many around anyway, so we have basically decided that doing a Uni Prep course may be the way to go. So I have spent many hours on the internet this evening trying to find out my options. Well, they are fairly limited! There are courses through the local TAFE college that cater for people who want to continue study but never completed their schooling, but they are only going to get me to the pre-Tertiary Prep Course Stage.

Course 6504 Preparation for Vocational and Further Study is designed to help you to improve your knowledge and skills for further study in TAFE or University or to refresh your skills to enter the workforce. This course is particularly suited to those returning to study after a long absence or needing to upgrade your skills to enter other courses in TAFE and some Universities.

This course can be used as entry into the Tertiary Preparation course in TAFE which is the tertiary pathway to some courses in TAFE and University.

So I do 360 hours and achieve not much! The idea is to get my brain going as well as keep the government powers-that-be happy. Well, no tick in the first box for that one! 

As it does not really matter to them what I study, I have come up with Plan B.

Medical Terminology (Advanced)

Complete by Distance Learning using a workbook and CD and regular phone and email contact. Course covers medical terminology from introduction to advanced. Successful participants will receive a Statement of Attainment for Certificate III Business Administration (Medical).

I can study from home, which is very helpful when you live in the middle of nowhere, it may just be a lot more helpful to me next year than a General Studies Course and it is Accredited.
Tick,Tick,Tick.

Registration Posted - On My Way

Today I posted off my registration to sit the STAT test, then did a little jig in front of the post box. It is such a good feeling knowing that things are really starting to happen, albeit very slowly. I did the practice test last month and got 90%, so I was pretty damn pleased about that. So I am now not as stressed as I was about having spent the last umpteen years trying to fry my brain and fairly confident about getting a high enough score.

  Fingers crossed and bring on the 21st!

Too Sick For School But.....

Text from the EX: M... is off school today could you look after him

Of course! He is my son, so I cancel appointments, rearrange my day and head off to pick him up. As I walk through the door I am greeted with "Nice of you to turn up", so I inform him that I had things to do and got there as soon as I could, in fact a lot earlier than I told him I could. He then proceeded to say "Things to do? You don't do anything" in front of a half full cafe of his customers. Nice!

As I left with snotty, but not sick, 6 year old in tow, his final words were "Make sure you have him back here by 3:45 for soccer training". Now don't get me wrong, soccer training is a great activity and I don't even mind that he organized an afterschool activity for him on one of my nights, but Too sick for school, Too sick for soccer!


So I told him so! I didn't go on to mention that he was well enough to accompany his father to the races yesterday and the beach afterwards, but I sure as hell thought it!

Anyway, the 6 year olds take on it all - "I just didn't want to go to school" Yep, sounds right!

So Much For Smoke Free!

Damn it! Only lasted on the smoke free kick until I had to do the Saturday Handover with the EX. That man really has the ability to bring me to the point of murderous thoughts in record time.

Went straight to the shops after he left and bought a pack. Felt much better after three in a row. How sad is that? Very!

Well, when the Tax Dept. finally get their shit together and send me my refund I will be taking a trip to the Hypnotherapist to get the issue solved once and for all!

The Boardwalk

DSCF5510, originally uploaded by Muddy Sunday.

Wish I was there now! So peaceful!

Armed With A Patch And A Valium

Well, the last six months has seen me achieve some goals I had considered to be quite unachieveable when I set them. But step by step I muddled on, then one day realized that I had done it. So I celebrated my new and improved life by having a little cry - go figure! And then set a new bunch of goals!

1/ Gain acceptance to Uni.
2/ Put on another 2 kgs.
3/ Get my photography out there for sale.
4/ Quit Smokin!!!!

So twelve hours in, I am armed with a patch and a Valium, and feeling fairly confident, that may obviously change in the next ten seconds and back again shortly after. But it is time!

So now the world gets to see me at my most psychotic, but maybe along the way to being smoke free I may give you all a laugh. (And possible make you cringe) But there you have it, the next road trip of life has started, so now I attempt to enjoy the ride.